It's OK to not be OK
In the middle of the mess and the magic, I’m slowly finding my way.
I’ve been feeling off all week…
You know that “meh” feeling. Not super unhappy, but not in the flow, not enjoying things, not disliking things either, and having no motivation or inspiration to do anything…
Maybe the whole breakup and moving and all is finally sinking in. I mean my life was a huge roller coaster for months and everything is different now. Living in a different house, in a different place, without a partner… And it all went so super fast!
So I guess it’s OK to not be OK… I mean, I know it is… I tell others all the time and I even made a meditation about it! But it’s always easier to say to others than to myself...
When I just moved here, I was way more OK with not being OK. But after a while I started to feel more like myself again. Maybe a different version of myself, but I liked it.
I started doing live sessions in Insight Timer again (but then stopped, because too busy with other things).
I worked on a new meditation (something I recorded before the breakup).
I started connecting with others again (because, hello 4 line, if you’re into Human Design).
I stopped connecting so much because I needed my energy for myself.
I started running again (and was forced to stop because of shin splints).
I started doing yoga (both going to classes and at home).
I started running again (after shin splints, starting from scratch).
And in the midst of doing all these things, I started to notice I wasn’t doing as great as I thought I was. I’m still finding my way in my new house, the new town, my new life…
I’m super grateful for the amazing house I found and I’ll definitely tell you that manifestation story another time, but I’m still landing, not feeling fully grounded here yet.
No matter how much I enjoy the surroundings when I go for a run or a walk. No matter how much I love our house, this town, and this new beginning. It’s still hard. It’s a huge, huge change from my life before the breakup.
And so… I find myself in the state I’m in… And… that’s OK… Of course I want to feel great, have fun and enjoy all the things. And I know I will.
I still enjoy things, but not as profoundly as I normally do. I smile. I hug my kids and my cats. And life is good. And sometimes you just need to give yourself permission to rest, to heal, and to not know when you’ll feel great again.
It’s OK. And it’s OK to not be OK.
